A Hole in My Hug......

I LOVE Christmas. Don't get me wrong. It has ALWAYS been my favorite time of the year. However, since my Mom died, it has been a rough time for me. This time of year is the strongest reminder of just WHAT I am missing. Mom. She too enjoyed this holiday the most and to go through it without her is hard. When I see my kids have a happy moment, I often stop and think how happy Mom would have been to see them with that much joy... It is often bittersweet for me. And, you know what? That is OK.

That said, this year is different. That empty feeling is deeper. Much worse. I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that I am longing for N. My heart is worried about my sweet boy. As much as I have tried to put him in the back of my mind, I worry. I know that it will all work in God's time, but IT IS SO HARD. I think about him all alone. No one to cuddle him on Christmas Day. :( So, my heart is much sadder this year as I miss my Mom and long to hold my son who is so far away in a cold orphanage just waiting for his forever family to come and rescue him from the life that he does not deserve.