It's OVER.....

I CANNOT believe it, but it is sadly true... I keep a steady watch on N over at RR. See if any donations have come in, just look at his cute face, etc. Well, yesterday, I went to do my every-other-day viewing and COULD NOT FIND HIM! I was a tad distraught to say the least! I posted on the chat board to see if anyone had an idea. No response. I emailed the director today, and her reply FLOORED ME.... "N does NOT have DS and thus is not available for international adoption." She continued to say that she hoped she could help me with a another child. Huh??? Aren't these things discovered BEFORE a child is listed? And, knowing that I was working towards committing to him, wouldn't it have been nice to let me know?

I have worked my tail off to come up with the $$ that I need for the Homestudy and committment. I was just about a week away from meeting my goal and now this??? Really??? I really thought that mistakes this big were not made. I am just heartbroken as myself, my family and my friends have fallen in love with this little boy and his gorgeous face.

Heartbroken....

I don't know WHAT or WHERE we will go from here. I am making no decisions in this condition... Will just try and enjoy the holiday with my children and move on. Then, when I have a bit of clarity, I will see WHAT I think is best for us.... :(

A Hole in My Hug......

I LOVE Christmas. Don't get me wrong. It has ALWAYS been my favorite time of the year. However, since my Mom died, it has been a rough time for me. This time of year is the strongest reminder of just WHAT I am missing. Mom. She too enjoyed this holiday the most and to go through it without her is hard. When I see my kids have a happy moment, I often stop and think how happy Mom would have been to see them with that much joy... It is often bittersweet for me. And, you know what? That is OK.

That said, this year is different. That empty feeling is deeper. Much worse. I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that I am longing for N. My heart is worried about my sweet boy. As much as I have tried to put him in the back of my mind, I worry. I know that it will all work in God's time, but IT IS SO HARD. I think about him all alone. No one to cuddle him on Christmas Day. :( So, my heart is much sadder this year as I miss my Mom and long to hold my son who is so far away in a cold orphanage just waiting for his forever family to come and rescue him from the life that he does not deserve.

Christmas Wish....

As Christmas approaches, I have just one wish this year...

I hope and pray that NEXT Christmas finds my family loving and cuddling our newest member.

PLEASE let this be our sweet sweet boy's last Christmas spent in an orphanage alone with no presents and no one to hold and love him...

Not impossible, is it??